WHAT DO I NEED TO DO NEXT?

First, this is on your mind or you probably would not have read this far. Now, you have to get beyond your feelings of guilt for turning a lawyer loose on your children's parent. Please understand, you are not the bad guy. Your lawyer is not the bad guy. The person who is responsible for the dancing lessons or orthodontic treatments that don't get had, the movies and baseball games that don't get gone to, the trips and educational opportunities that get missed, the hand me down back to school clothes from Goodwill that get worn and the birthday party that is spent alone is the bad guy.

Many years ago, a college professor of mine had a cartoon posted on the wall in his office. It showed a Doorman helping a lady in a beautiful gown wearing a mink coat and diamonds that sparkled in the light of the street lamp out of a limousine. Her escort was coming around behind the car to take her hand and he was splendidly outfitted in white tie and tails. In the background you could see the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan and there were many people enjoying conversation at what was obviously a major social event.

At the bottom of the lamp post, with his lower body in the street and his back against the post was a disheveled, unshaven derelict with a bottle of MD20/20 by his side, just watching all the finery around him. I was impressed with the contrast between the opulence and decadence, the aristocrat and the down-and-outer, but I was more impressed with the words of the old drunk, "There, but for me, go I."

Isn't it refreshing to see someone, anyone, in the face of their own imperfection taking responsibility for their own circumstances? Isn't that what we want our kids to do with their lives? If they don't, we know that they will always be ok under the circumstances but they will never rise above their circumstances. They learn from what they see us do. They'll complete the cycle and become what we are. If they see us accept pain and deprivation without a fight then they may decide that that is the way life always has to be for them, too.

Have you not struggled long enough to try to provide a minimum standard of living for your children? Have you worked, denied yourself,settled for, made do, done over and done without so you could buy shoes for school, birthday presents, a movie ticket, a meal at McDonald's or just stretched farther than you could go just so the kids could enjoy something pleasant about life without help, or inadequate help, from the other parent? Have you ever just sat down and despaired because everything seemed to be crashing down and you felt like you just couldn't hold it up anymore?

It should not be that way. It doesn't always have to be that way.
In your heart of hearts you know...this is not about hurting someone or being the bad guy. Paying Child Support is about responsibility, and avoiding dealing with it is irresponsible. Truthfully, if we stand by and watch injustice, pain and irresponsible behavior inflicted on our children then who is really the bad guy?

Verily, we know you are doing the best you can, and we are proud of you. You may think that you are not up to a fight. We are, and we'll do it if we have to, if you'll let us.

OK, I'M BEYOND ALL THAT. NOW WHAT?

There's a telephone number at the top of this page. Call my office for a courteous and confidential interview so that I might assess your situation and we can work together to best decide what to do about it.

Back to Support FAQ Page