MY EX IS IS REALLY PUTTING PRESSURE ON THE KIDS
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

This may be the toughest part of the whole process. The non-custodial parent in a support collection or modification goes after the other one through the kids. They take a renewed interest in the children's affairs. They start showing up at places and activities that didn't seem to interest them much when money was not an issue. They bribe them with promises of sugarplums if they'll come live with them. They are Santa Claus in the springtime. While this is not illegal, after the bubble bursts and promises are unkept children tend to lose respect for a parent they still love. Sadly, the perpetrator usually doesn't see it as an issue of respect or love but one of money.

At the other end of the pressure spectrum is the whiner. They seek sympathy and inveigle the children to go home with tales of how the custodial parent is hurting them and how they would not take them to court if they really loved the children.

In the range between the Greek bearing gifts and the whiner are all sorts of behavioral abnormalities. Some will withhold attention and affection for the children altogether. They don't call and don't visit much, and it breaks their hearts. Some will trash the custodial parent and try to embarrass them. Others may react violently.

There is a term for manipulation of innocent children for private gain. It's called child abuse and the courts will act swiftly to protect children from it. Keep your attorney informed so the appropriate steps can be taken to stop this kind of conduct.

The best thing you can do is have a heart to heart talk with the children before you file a support action, or let your attorney do that with you. If they know that people sometimes behave differently when they are dealing with stress and know the kinds of things to look for then much heartache may be spared all of you.

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